#20ThingsIWantFor2015

hey guys :)

Some days ago, I saw something trending that caught up my attention, #20ThingsIwantfor2015. I thought about doing a list with 20 things I want to do this year, or I'm gonna at least try to do.

1. i want to go to concerts 
yes, i'm expecting to attend to more than one concert actually. i'm going to 5sos concert (rock out with your socks out tour) and i'm going to maroon 5's concert too (maroon 5 world tour) but i want to go to a summer festival i don't know which tho, and i want to attend to one of my favorite local band concerts.

2. i want to exercise more, drink more water and eat healthier
that's an important one. last year i had some problems and i'd go to the hospital and the doctor had to give me physiological saline, it was the only way my organism would have strength. i eat fast food, cakes, everything that harms my stomach and my body. I drink a lot of ice tea too, it's bad for my health and i actually get fatter for it. i want to exercise because i need to get healthier but i want to get thinner too, i'm not gonna lie

3. i want to get better grades and pass my exams 
yes, i need better grades because i some weeks ago i saw what was the grade i needed to go to the college i want. i got so scared i almost had a panic attack, it's too high and i don't know if i can reach it. i'll do anything to do it so i'll start to get better grades. I also have exams this year, it scares the sh*t out of me but i can't run away from it, i need them if i want to go to college. so i'm just hoping everything goes fine and ufff who knows how will this end?

4. i want to become a better writer and to draw more
i do love writing, reading, drawing, painting... i'm an art lover girl. but i barely have time for it and when i do, i find myself sitting in front of a screen watching some tv show over and over again. i love tv shows and films but i have to find spare time for what i like and i have split the time in half, not 99& of my time for tv and the other 1% for everything else. so, i'm gonna do everything to improve my writing skills and i'm gonna draw because that's one of my guilty pleasures and i barely do it

5. i want to cut my hair short and sticking to a skincare routine
i used to hate short haircuts but lately i really want one. my hair is not too long because i went to my hairdresser a couple of months ago but i'd love to try a shorter haircut, maybe this year i'll try it out. a skincare routine wow this is gonna be hard. i barely treat my skin, i do eat a lot of chocolate and olives tho. my face is covered in pimples and blackspots because i barely take care of it, so i'm gonna try and stick myself with a skincare routine

6. i want to hug and kiss more people letting them know i love them
i already do this, gladly :) but i get easily mad and when i'm mad i don't care about anything nor anyone so i can be heartless sometimes. and later my proud won't let me tell that person i love them. i usually express myself with hugs because it's the cutest thing someone can do for me. yeah it's that aha

7. i want to learn how to control my anxious/panic attacks 
this one is also important. omg i am so afraid of having panic attacks in public or even when i'm alone because i forget everything and i just cry and try to hide from everyone. i don't want anyone with me, i just hide and cry for loads of time, hours and hours sometimes. i usually have them when i'm under pressure or really stressed about something. people don't understand and normally when i have a panic attack i'll be scared of that thing again. and i want to change this, i want to be stronger and i want to face everything i'm scared of. this year i'm gonna face things and places that make my anxious go crazy, i'm gonna be stronger this time

8. i want to write everything down and be more confident 
like i said previously, when i have spare time i usually watch tv or something like that but i want to write down every single thing i think or i feel. it's so reliving. i want to do it because when i'm sad or mad it helps and lately i haven't write everything down, but now i want to and i have my twitter account and this blog where i'll share what's bothering me... i wanna be confident too because if you know me you may think i'm strong and i'm always confident and proud of myself but it's not like that. i look in my mirror and i don't like what i see, i think everyone is better than myself and i have real self-esteem problems. i don't care what people think but if i don't like myself i'm not going to stop until i change what's bothering me

9. i want to work towards my goals and never give up
i have lots of goals and i know i have to work my as* off if i wanna get there. but i don't mind, i'm willing to do everything but when people criticize me, even my family and my parents it's hard to fight for my dreams, it's really hard. i just hope i have the strength to go on because one day i'm gonna be someone and everyone, my family my parents, will look at me and say "she made it"

10. i want to meet 5sos and have a great time seeing them perform
i said previously that i'm going to 5sos concert here in my country but i wish i could somehow manage to meet them or just to take a pic with them, i really need to meet them... I bet i'm gonna cry the whole concert and i want to fight my urge to cry because i want to have a great time, i want to smile wider than ever and sing my lungs out

11. i want to go to a library often and to clean my room without my mom obligating me
nowadays i can read what i want from my laptop, tablet or even my phone. i love books and their leaves so i want to go to the library, i know i pass beside one everyday and now i want to go inside and explore. i know i have friends who love reading so they may explore with me, it's gonna be so great. about my room aha i clean it but my mom has to obligate me and i want to take the initiative myself some times

12. i want to breathe the same air as louis tomlinson, once again
i saw one direction performing live two times, one in Lisbon another in Porto but i need to see my boy again, i need to breathe the same air as him, i need to see his smile and just hear his voice invading my eardrums, i miss him quite a lot

13. i want to keep my commitments and meet great people
i always keep my commitments but sometimes it's easier to say that i'm sick and stay home instead of go help my mom, go practicing, go studying or even go out with friends. so i'm talking about that type of commitment because i always keep my word, i try everytime. i need to meet great people too because i just need new airs, i need new personalities because where i live, everyone's the same idk i need to meet older people and to hang out with them more

14. i want to love myself and follow my dreams
i read what i just wrote above and it seems easy but it's the hardest thing to do. everytime i look in the mirror i find something i hate about myself and i don't give up until i change it but there are things i can't and i'll never change about me, i have to learn how to love myself and it's hard, believe me. i really want to follow my dreams too but as i said previously, my family should support me but they do the opposite and it's hard not to let go from my dreams. it would be easier to do what my family wants me to do, but i'm gonna fight it till the end, i just hope i have all the strength that belongs to me and my personality

15. i want to read more and discover new music
i love reading and as i said about libraries, i'm gonna try and enter as many times as i can. i'm gonna try and fix time for me to read because i really miss those days where i'd read 12 hours without wanting to stop. 2014 was a weird year for me when we're talking about music because i started the year thinking my fave type of music was pop and i ended it knowing my fave type it's rock. i don't know why, i do love pop but rock is my scene and i only found out now. i need to discover new music because now i know what i'm searching for

16. i want to find a nice job and start planning my future
i know i'm still seventeen but i'll be eighteen in three months so, i want to start doing something and i want to fix my own money. i wanna know how it feels like to be independent but it's hard because i can't find a job... for now, i really hope i can get a job later this year :) i wanna plan the future too because i'm going to uni soon and i'll choose a course but i want to do some before or at the same time i'm studying, i really need to plan this out ops

17. i want to travel and meet new places 
luckily by the end of the year i'll already have my driving license woop woop! if i don't have i'll meet new places and travel with people i know aha not having a driving license never stopped me from getting what i want or where i want. of course with driving license it would be quicker and easier but that's not a problem. this year i'm gonna explore everything, every single place i see or pass by

18. i want to acquire more on-point clothes and things i need 
this one looks complicated but it's the easier to explain. aha sometimes i want some item of clothing but i see another one and i buy the second one and then i'll never buy the one i really wanted in the first place. i have to start buying what i need and not what i want because it's winter, per example, i need a jacket but i want some shorts, i'm gonna buy what i really want. i really need to start making priorities because when it comes to clothes and things i get lost easily

19. i want to survive to maroon 5's concert because adam is too hot 
that's true tho, i'm gonna die when i see such a stunning man in front of me, oh dear lord i'm going to cry to dance to scream to sing i don't even know, let's wait and see what's my reaction when i get to see Mr Levine live wow

20. but mainly i want to be happy and make people around me happy 
my main goal, if my friends are happy, if my family is happy, if i'm happy... everything is perfect let's just forget about material people, about fake friends, about everyone who complains, we need to enjoy life because life's beautiful

thank you for reading wow that's such a list, aha love you
- xoxo, margarida